


Don't Tickle A Sith Lord

by handsinmittens



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, and got a good feeling about it, and you like what you're writing, but i spent all day on it so whatever, then you post it and it's like no i hate it, you ever write something and you're enjoying it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:34:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23837659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handsinmittens/pseuds/handsinmittens
Summary: No sex only wielding supreme and complete power of all who oppose you! Please stop threatening the kitchen staff, your partner in crime and romance Poe said.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Reader, Poe Dameron/You
Kudos: 5





	Don't Tickle A Sith Lord

**Author's Note:**

> Why not combine the things I like writing the most about? Poe Dameron, sith lord and asexual reader. Asexual and also a sexy...ual... I’ve made that joke before. I don’t know what I’m doing with titles anymore but it is sound advice. Sorry for any typo

“You okay?” You asked Poe.

“Fine.” He replied.

You were sat in the canteen watching Poe push the food around his plate. You had managed to eat the slime they had served even after the snide comments the staff had made about your relationship with Poe.

It was none of their business what you two did, or did not do, in private. You were a sith lord who had no problem abusing your power to scare people away from you and yet people still thought it was ok to comment on your personal life.

While you did like doing that you knew Poe would still have to deal with it. You’d been dealing with snide comments from everyone in your life. Whether it was from your parents, your teacher, everyone at the First Order or even Poe that one time. Almost everyone had received a swift kick to their sensitive parts and it shut them all up. You were too afraid of your parents to do anything about them but isn’t it a parents job to be critical of their kids anyway?

“You can’t lie to me, Dameron.”

“The force tell you that?” He said bitterly, still not looking up from his plate.

“No but your left hand twitches when you lie. I thought you got the shakes the other day when you told Leia you came back from your mission with no wounds.”

“The blood stain on my clothes not give it away?”

“Yes but your hand still twitched anyway.”

Poe didn’t reply and stopped pushing the food around his plate. He sighed and looked at you. You were getting hungry again so you started eating the food off his plate.

“I don’t like the way people talk about you.” Poe said.

You choked with laughter and tried to stop food spraying out of your mouth.

“Me? I’m a sith, people are always going to say things about me.” You replied after taking a very big drink of water and forcing the food down.

“Not about that. The other thing. The sex thing.”

“Sex thing? Are you twelve.” You said. It was amusing to you but you could see it bothered Poe.

“You know what I mean.”

“No I don’t.”

“Just now the kitchen staff were mocking you and talking about how you were too dark side to be whole like the rest of us.”

“They would of choked on their words if you hadn’t told me to stop threatening them.”

“Doesn’t it bother you?”

“When I first figured out I didn’t feel sexual attracted to anyone I felt wrong. It felt horrible but over the years I’ve come to accept that I am not wrong and it’s not horrible. I am not broken in anyway at all and people have said those things over the years that I’ve just grown to ignore them.” You told him.

“Oh.”

“I know my own worth Dameron and I am here at the Resistance to fight for our freedom I am not interested in wasting my time on other people.”

Poe opened his mouth to speak.

“Except for you of course.”

“Good.”

“Does it bother you?” You asked. “I know a lot of people say you were the type of people to sleep with anyone and anything. I don’t listen to any of the gossip but you have to admit you were getting a little flirty to C-3PO that one time.”

“Pava dared me to do it, was I supposed to say no?”

“Yes.”

“She doubled dared me.”

“Oh well you have to do it then. A lot of my sith training comes from my teacher double daring me to use my anger and hatred to become stronger.”

“Really?”

“No you dummy. Let’s go back to my room, I’ve got much better tasting food there.”

Poe had leapt out of his chair and was already sprinting towards your room. He maybe a pilot and learnt to survive on the most basic of rations but even he had his limits.

You saw the kitchen staff coming your way so you force threw the plates at them. Food went everywhere and the plates smashed on the floor.

“Oh that’s quite a mess you’re going to have to clean up now.” You said and you left the room to follow Poe. Now that you had given them more to work to do they might stop and think before making comments.

—————————————————————————————–

“Oh my god this is amazing. Where did you get this?”

“More like who I stole them from.” You said eating a piece of the cake you had taken from a diner.

“I shouldn’t approve of you stealing stuff from people.” Poe said, stuffing another piece in his mouth.

“Hey, we saved their lives I think it’s fine to steal some edible food for us and I didn’t even threaten them.”

“Doesn’t sound very dark side of you.”

“Mmfffmmfmff.” You said with a mouth full of cake.

Poe went silent which was unusual for him, usually he never shut up. Which always amused you because when you first arrived at the Resistance he would constantly bother you and talk about things you didn’t even care about. You learnt to tune him out pretty quick and Poe told you he had asked you out and you said yes so apparently you were a couple now.

That’s what he would say anyway. How the best pilot in the Resistance got a sith lord to go out with them but it was a complete lie. You did notice he flirted a lot with you and while you thought this was just the regular thing for pilots, they really were a horny group of people, Poe had actually wanted to push further past mindless flirting.

So you told him to meet you at the edge of the forest just out of view from people on the base and, after he asked if you were going to kill him, you asked him out. He said yes and was way too excited about the whole thing so you immediately dumped him. Poe had a hurt look in his eyes so you repeated yourself and this time he didn’t act like he’d won a prize.

So you’d been together ever since which was 4 months ago.

“Do you remember out first date?” Poe asked.

“It was pretty memorable. You had brought me some flowers you had picked but you were so nervous you ended up crushing them. When we actually made it to the food part you were telling me a story about your first time flying but you knocked over the candle and almost starting a fire.”

“I don’t know how you gave me a second chance after that.”

“I did it because you had tried to put some thought into a date and you were so sincere about the whole thing. Plus you didn’t spend the entire evening being afraid that I’d force choke you.”

“I know you’d never use your powers against me. You care about me too much.”

“Even I have limits.”

“Such as?”

“Such as if you eat another piece of cake I’ll be left with none so I’ll have no other choice but to force shove you out of this room.” You said and Poe stopped reaching for the next slice of cake.

“Do you remember what happened after I walked you back to your room?”

“I do. You said you wanted to kiss me but you didn’t want to do anything I didn’t want to. Then I explained to you about how I don’t want to have sex and probably never will.”

“You trusted me enough to tell me that?”

“Don’t feel so special, Dameron I no longer care who knows but I owed it to you to tell you before you wanted to take anything further.”

“What if I didn’t want to go any further?”

“Then I would of accepted your decision. I maybe a dark lord of the sith but I won’t force you into a relationship that would make you give up something you enjoy.”

“Oh.”

“Why is this on your mind? Is it because of those people in the canteen? You know it doesn’t bother me or as somebody else been saying things? I’ll crush their throats if they do.”

“No.”

“Is it you? Have you changed your mind? It’s ok if you have, I would prefer you talk to me about it instead of being closed off.”

“No.”

“Dameron, I swear to all that is dark I will-”

“Will what? What is the great dark lord of the sith such as yourself going to do?” Poe asked with a serious look on his face but you could hear the amused tone of his voice.

“I’ll lightsaber your droid in half.”

“Yeah? Well you can’t do that if I do this.” Poe said and he lunged across the bed and tackled you so you trapped beneath him. Last time he thought it was a good to tickle you but your immediate reaction was to knee him where the sun don’t shine.

Good thing you weren’t having sex because if you had this would of been the end of it, you had said to him while you were both in the med bay. Maybe this will teach you to not tickle a sith lord.

At least the medical staff got a good laugh out if it. Who knew the way for the people of the Resistance to warm up to you was to kick their favourite pilot in the groin.

Poe looked at you with such love in his eyes that it made you nervous. Love isn’t something you’ve been familiar with when your whole life had been nothing but training in the dark side. You liked this different way of people looking at you. Not that you were opposed to people being afraid of you, it meant they would leave you alone.

You shoved the pilot off you, laughing as he looked startled.

“I forget you’re stronger than me.” He said.

“Well some of us work out and some of us sit around their own room eating unhealthy snacks.”

“Some of us also like to sit around in their partners room eating their unhealthy snacks.”

“I hate you.”

“I’m helping you out. I’m eating those snacks so you won’t undo all that hard work and training you do everyday. So in a way, I am a hero.”

“I hate you so much.”

“No you don’t”

“Yeah I don’t hate you. Just mildly dislike you.”

“That’s the sweetest thing you’ve said to me.”

As you were frowning, Poe tried to reach across you and take the slice of cake but all those years of sith training gave you quick reflexes and you used the force to pull it away from him. You knew he would try to make a last ditch attempt to steal it from you but you shoved it in your mouth.

“I hate you.” He said.

“I know.” You replied after swallowing the cake.

—————————————————————————————–

You were stood outside a ship waiting for Poe, his mechanic and two ground soldiers to join you when you saw Leia heading towards you.

“General, you don’t have to keep checking on me.”

When you joined the Resistance everyone was sceptical of you except for Leia. Maybe she knew you were telling the truth through the force or she was so desperate for allies she’d let a sith lord in you didn’t know. In that time it seemed like Leia was always concerned about you and always checking up on you.

You really hoped she hadn’t adopted you in some way or with the loss of her son to the dark side she was trying to make it up by looking out for you. You didn’t need someone looking out for you unless they were watching your back in a fight.

“I want to make sure you knew the plan.”

“Poe flies us in, then I meet the the spy at the agreed upon location. The mechanic is there to fix the ship if need be the two meatheads are there for my back up.”

“Don’t refer to the soldiers as meatheads. They are highly trained and are experienced in this type of mission.”

“I can handle this on my own I don’t need back up. I can easily fight my way out of a trap I don’t need them messing things up for me.”

“I would prefer a low profile.”

“Force choking someone is quiet, blasters are not. If this spy tries to betray us I will simply get rid of him.”

“That is excessive.”

“Eh.”

Leia shook her head and presented you with a file.

“Information on the spy. Try to read it.”

“I didn’t come to the Resistance to read.”

“Good luck.” Leia said.

“Don’t need it you.” You replied.

“I was talking to the other people on the ship.”

You rolled your eyes and made your way inside to the cockpit. It was quiet in there and the only thing that would be making noise is Poe and he was a nice noise. You sat down in the co pilot chair and made yourself comfy. You knew enough about piloting yourself but much preferred someone else to do it.

“Aren’t you going to be hot in that?”

You looked up to see Poe come in and sit down in his chair. You watched as he started to prepare the ship for take off.

“Hey, fashion is 80% of being a force user I will not sacrifice fashion for comfort.”

“That doesn’t sound right.”

“Well what would a pilot know about the force anyway it’s too complicated for your pea brain.”

“Hurtful.”

“A very gorgeous pea brain.”

“Better.”

He smiled at you and you returned it. Ever since you had joined the Resistance you had begun to smile more. You hated it at first but Poe and Rose had taken it upon themselves to stop you constantly walking around the base with a face looking like about to murder everyone.

Which was exactly the look you were going for but you didn’t tell them that.

Once Poe had taken the ship into hyperspace you relaxed back into your chair, curling up inside the nice warm cloak you had worn. You looked over at Poe to see him shivering. Pretend to shiver so you’d take pity on him and let him cuddle with you in the cloak. He had tried it before and it didn’t work. You maybe becoming more open with your emotions but there were some things you were still selfish about.

You heard some muttering coming from further down in the ship but you payed it no mind. Someone was always doing that near you but one look at Poe told you he could hear what they were saying.

“Don’t be so nosey.” You whispered to him.

“I’m not!” He whispered back.

“Your ears are practically straining to listen in to what they are saying.”

“As if you’re not doing the same.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.” You said and then you used the force to shut the door to the cockpit.

“No more listening in to people’s conversations.”

“Sith lord’s are no fun.”

“You just don’t know fun.”

“Sure I do.”

Poe pulled the ship out of hyperspace and heading towards the planet. You were thankful for the short trip, you didn’t want to spend too long with other people. You were also looking forward to a potential fight breaking out it had been a long time since you’d beat someone in a fight. Especially the First Order and their dumb dark side sith guy.

...

Wait.

—————————————————————————————–

You were at the meeting point with the spy, and just as predicted, you were betrayed and were now surrounded by stormtroopers. All pointing their blasters at you.

How predictable.

You weren’t listening to what they were saying and opted instead to inspect your nails. There was a bit of dirt underneath one of your fingernails and Poe had once offered to give you a manicure. You might take him up on the idea when you got back his nails were amazing. You’d love to see what he can do when he had time.

You had told the two meatheads to stay on the ship and don’t follow you. Of course they didn’t listen and you could feel them follow you so you shoved them back with the force and this time they listened.

You were a skilled fighter and you could handle one First Order coward and 8 stormtroopers. It would’ve been nice if Kylo Ren showed up so you could kick his ass again. Then you could tell Poe later as he always got a kick out of hearing how you beat Kylo Ren. After the trauma Poe suffered at his hand it’s the least you could do.

It was time to end this charade and you reached for your lightsaber. The Resistance needed this information and you weren’t about to go back empty handed. It’s like these stormtroopers wanted to die they way they were in a perfect circle around you. You’d have to ask Finn later if he was the only one who could actually fight and survive in a fight.

The spy looked at you in shock as he watched all the stormtroopers drop to the floor all with recently acquired lightsaber injuries on them. Freak accident.

“Now I can give you the information or I can pull it out of your brain piece by piece.”

“You wouldn’t. You’re Resistance, you don’t torture.”

“I have to do everything myself.” You sighed and placed a hand on his face. The spy started trembling on the spot and begged you not to do anything to him. The usual routine of begging of how he has a family to support or he is only doing this because of orders.

“No wait. I’ll tell you everything!” He said.

He sounded like he was torn between crying and wetting himself.

“Be quick and I’ll know if you’re lying to me.”

He nodded and told you everything, just like he said he would, and when he finished you knocked him out.

Breaking into people’s minds wasn’t something you liked. It always creeped you out but people knew it was possible for a force user to do that so while you wouldn’t do it yourself, if people thought you were going to do it and gave up the information voluntary then you weren’t going to correct them.

Behind every sith lord making themselves more powerful and bad was you coasting by on their reputation.

With your mission complete you headed back to the ship very pleased with yourself. People say sex is good and fun but who needs that when winning against the First Order was it’s own fun.

Maybe you just needed a new hobby.

—————————————————————————————–

You were sat in the briefing room bored out of your mind. Poe and the three other people on the mission were arguing with each other and you had long given up on that. You felt kind of bad for letting Poe do all the arguing but he seemed to be doing fine on his own.

After you had made your way back to the ship he was outside pacing back and forth. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw you and he looked liked he just wanted to run and hug you but Poe knew you weren’t a fan of pda. You learnt on the flight back to the base that they had all gotten into a disagreement over how you handled the mission.

Which had now turned into a full blown argument in the middle of the briefing room.

“You know what your problem is, Commander Dameron?” The mechanic yelled at him.

“What?” He yelled back.

“You’re so pent up from not having sex that you bottle up all this frustration and it’s all because of that sith lord partner of yours.”

The room went completely silent as everyone looked between you, Poe and the mechanic.

“What is your problem?” You asked the mechanic.

“My problem?”

“Yeah why are you so hung up on peoples personal relationship that you bring it up? Is this a jealousy thing? Are you in love with the pilot? Is that why? Personally I don’t see it.”

“Hey!” Poe said. You winked at him and he smiled.

“I’m not in love with him.” The mechanic muttered.

Yeah and I’m a jedi, you thought.

“This is ridiculous. I will write down everything and bring it by later. You shouldn’t be having a briefing with a child in the room anyway.” You said to Leia but made sure the child remark was aimed at the mechanic.

You left the room and after a minute Poe followed you.

—————————————————————————————–

“You have to be honest with me.” You said.

“I am.” Poe replied.

You had headed away from the base with no destination in mind but you and Poe had ended up in the same spot as before. The one where you asked him out and everyone in the Resistance decided the relationship was their business.

“That mechanic is lucky I didn’t strangle her then and there.”

“No force choking?” Poe asked.

“When someone talks to you like that they deserve to be strangled by my own hands.”

“Sounds like you care.”

“Of course I care! Especially when it comes to you. I worry for you and if these things about me affect you negatively.”

“Why?”

Did he really just ask you why? Aren’t you supposed to care about the people you lo-

Oh no. No no no no.

Poe grabbed your hands and gently pulled you closer to him. You looked at him and all you could see in his eyes were the love he told you felt for you.

“I....I...”

“You don’t have to say it. I know you do.”

Maker, you hated how well he understood you but at least he knew. Feelings were hard. Annoying as well.

“Does it really bother you? Not having sex?” You asked him.

“No. It does not. I like being with you. I like how funny you are and you’re so beautiful and even though you are a sith lord I am so in love with you.”

“Is me being a sith lord really that bad?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

“I like how you chose to fight for the Resistance and I like that you refuse to change any part of yourself and I like that of all the people in the galaxy you choose to spend your time with me.”

“Are you lying?”

“Yes because when I said I liked those things about you I meant I love. I love everything about you and I would never ask you to give up any part of yourself just to please me.”

“You’re a sap, Poe Dameron.”

“I’m your sap though.”

“That you are.”

Poe let go of your hands and held his arm out to you.

“Come on let’s get out of here.” He said and you took his arm. You walked back to the base in companionable silence. You were almost back to his room when he started speaking again.

“Perhaps it’s a good thing we don’t have sex because I don’t fancy changing and cleaning those sheets every five minutes.”

“Dameron, if I were gonna fuck you it would be in your x-wing and you know it.”

“Then I’d have to get that constantly cleaned and that’s even worse than those sheets.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“I’m always right.”

Poe opened the door and gestured for you to go in first.

“M’sith lord.”

You rolled your eyes and headed straight towards the bedroom looking for your official sith t-shirt and sweatpants. You headed into the bathroom to change and came back to find Poe already changed and in bed.

“You have to give that report to Leia. You can’t get in bed yet.” Poe said as he fiddled around with the holovid.

“I am too emotionally distressed to deal with that.”

Poe stopped what he was doing and slowly turned to look at you.

“That’s the most disturbing thing you’ve ever said.”

You stuck your tongue out at him and climbed into bed.

“What will people do when they find out sith lords like to cuddle.”

You didn’t reply because you were already falling asleep and Poe is really comfy. He put the holovid down and decided to just stay with you.

It wasn’t long before you both drifted off to sleep and had a nice restful sleep.

That’s a lie because only five minutes had passed before Leia was banging on the door for you to get your asses back to the briefing room and give the information you acquired.

You might be a sith lord but even you don’t want to risk the wrath of Leia Organa.

**Author's Note:**

> I know I use breaks a lot but i swear they seem longer on tumblr and it seems so long but it's actually like 5 words long :/


End file.
